8 And A Half Life
by Reservoir Dog
Summary: A faithful retelling of Fellini's classic 8 1/2. WARNING - If you have not seen 8 1/2, you probably wont understand this.


THE SIMPSONS

8 AND A HALF LIFE

(ACT 1)

FADE IN FROM BLACK

BLACK AND WHITE EXT. HOMER ON HIS WAY TO WORK IN HIS CAR ON THE HIGHWAY IN HEAVY NON MOVING TRAFFIC

Homer looks around and sees various Springfieldians in their cars:

Milhouse gets hit in the back of the head by Nelson in a carpool on the way to school.

The mayor is ogling an attractive woman in a car next to him. The woman turns her head to Homer. He looks away.

He looks up at the school bus and sees only the asses of the entire schoolbus mooning him.

Angry now, he turns his head in yet another direction to see someone pointing in front of them. Homer looks the direction that they are pointing. It is a giant donut.

Homer desperately tries to get out of his car and to the donut. He bangs the windows and tries to open the doors, but cant. He pants and salivates so much that the windows fog up and the interior of the car becomes too opaque to see.

EXT OUTSIDE HOMER'S CAR JUST ABOVE TRAFFIC

Homer is floating over the cars towards the donut. He continues to salivate.

EXT HIGH UP ABOVE A SANDY BEACH LOOKING DOWN WITH HOMER'S LEG AND A ROPE CONNECTED TO IT VISIBLE

Homer is in the air, acting as a kite

HOMER

(to the flyer of the kite)

Hey let me down. Who are you? Hey, I said let me down so I can eat my donut!

EXT SANDY BEACH

Reveals that the one holding the kite is a donut with hands and legs

HOMER

Its you!

EXT SKY SIDEVIEW

Homer decides to fall down from the sky to get to the beach to eat the anthropomorphic donut.

EXT CLOSEUP ON HOMER FALLING

A look of joy on his face. Also slobber around his lips as he falls, oblivious to the fact that the fall will probably kill him.

HOMER'S FALLING POV

Homer falls nearer and nearer to the ground where the donut stands, until he smashes it

FADE OUT TO BLACK

FADE IN INT HOMER IN HIS NEW OFFICE STILL BLACK AND WHITE

CARL

Homer, Homer wake up

HOMER

What is it?

CARL

Everyone's waiting for you Homer

HOMER

Where am I?

CARL

You're sleeping on the set of you're new movie

LENNY

Yeah don't you remember Homer?

HOMER

(confused)

No?

CARL

You quit your job at the power plant to make a movie

HOMER

Why?

CARL

Hell if I know

HOMER

(enthusiastic)

That's good enough for me!

CARL  
ok!

HOMER

(still enthusiastic)

Lenny…

LENNY

Yes sir?

HOMER

(enthusiastic)

Get me some donuts

LENNY

Yes sir

Lenny leaves the room

HOMER

(enthusiastic)

Carl…

CARL

Yeah?

HOMER

(enthusiastic)

Where do I go?

CARL

Lot 5

HOMER

(enthusiastic)

Point

Carl points

Homer walks in that direction

EXT OUTSIDE SET

Lots of characters in costumes wandering around. A band is playing classical music.

Homer walks through all the commotion and looks around.

LENNY

(off-screen, running onscreen to Homer with a box of donuts)

Homer! Homer, I've got your donuts right here

Homer stops, takes the box, takes out one donut, throws the box on the ground smashes it with his foot and puts the donut it his mouth

HOMER

(tasting the donut)

molto buon

Carl comes running up from behind and catches up to them

CARL

Here's the script Homer

Homer looks at its title: 8

HOMER

Boring

Homer thrusts the script into a nearby fire

CARL

That was the only script

HOMER

You need a title that's edgy

LENNY

9!

HOMER

Too edgy

CARL

7!

HOMER

Not nearly edgy enough!

LENNY

I don't know Homer, I'm all out of ideas

CARL

Me too

HOMER

If only there was a number between 8 and 9. That would give the film a perfect amount of edge. Hmmm… Lenny!

LENNY

Yeah?

HOMER

Get the team working on that

LENNY

There is no team

HOMER

Then make one

Lenny leaves

Homer walks over to the band playing the classical music, rubs his hand to his chin.

HOMER

No, no, no

BAND COMPOSER

Is something wrong herr director?

HOMER

Yes, how about some different music

BAND COMPOSER

What do you mean?

HOMER

I'll show you

Homer takes the composing stick from the composer and starts to compose the band. They play terribly.

HOMER

Nevermind, just play some different music

COMPOSER

Like what would you suggest?

HOMER

Do you know the theme to Halloween?

COMPOSER

I don't think I know what you're talking about, sorry

HOMER

It goes like this

(Homer imitates the theme to Halloween)

The composer is very confused.

HOMER

It's ok, we'll talk later

CARL

What about the script?

HOMER

What script?

CARL

The one you threw in the fire. That was the only one

HOMER

Better that way

CARL

Well what should we do for a new one

HOMER

I don't know, something about a spaceship. It's the last hope for humanity…

CARL

Uh huh…

HOMER

That's all, now put the team to work on building the spaceship and takeoff pad

CARL

Great

Carl leaves

PS - I have some trouble adapting (ok lets face it, copying) past the first act of this due to the content of the source material. If anyone has any creative ideas to further the script beyond this point that doesnt involve Homer cheating on Marge, I'd love to hear them. Thx


End file.
